The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Have you ever "died"? I don't mean physically, but emotionally and mentally? I have. Have you ever ran the streets at night. hunting for a victim to rob because YOU need a fix, a rock, a bag?! My life was just that . I was a demon. Even my dealer was afraid of me half the time. I remember thinking as I would buy the little crack bags with the devil printed on them and thinking to myself "I'll never know what being happy is" I had no REAL friends in that scenario, I had no FAMILY in that junction of my life. NO!! I HAD ME. I had me to blame and was very goos at the whole self pity, poor me thinking. I remember nights after either a stick-up, or a robbery hiding in the shadows, smoking crack, hearing the voices and trying to decifer what they are saying. They are calling me. They say to end this life, and I want to. I want to end it all and am ready. But a growl in my head screams my name and says "NO, you must rise, you must suffer, you must become more than dead inside. YOU MUST RISE" I began an adventure of a modern day Robin Hood. But I wasn't giving to the poor. I was taking it for me. My thinking was if I rid my area of dealers and junkies, and crackheads. I could be happy and stop. All I did was bring suffering and fear to already scary streets. One by one though people disappeared, and I became numb. I saw nothing left to do but run, leave' hide' commit a crime so the police HAD NO CHOICE but to lock me up. Somehow throughout those times I had a gaurdian angel(not a good one either) watching over me. More of a guardian devil. I can be evil, take my word. I am more comfortable in times of fear, and hatred. I am a truly wicked man. But I am no longer that man you read of above. I am frees of the devil's hand. And cast my own mold in this world. If I travel now it is for 1 of 2 reasons. The first being recreation and appointments. 2 I need to release demons and get it out of my system.

Picked up an f/x pedal for my Ibanez today and was pleased to find it comes with a drumbeat menu as well. Too fuckin' cool! Now while I muster through the chaotic thoughts and plans in my head I will create a soundtrack for death. Maybe I'll make a soundtrack for a murder. And eventually put it to my movie concept.

maybe I'll call it "Dante's minions" or "Carrion existance" not sure yet. So now I shall return to my mental chess game and meditate while on the guitar.

Life is sweet, but so is my guitar.